In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
******************************************************************
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
******************************************************************
Bubba was at home watching TV with his friends when he heard a noise. He ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in his car.
"Did you see their face?" his friends asked when he came back inside.
"No, but it's okay - I got the licence plate number!"
******************************************************************
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
******************************************************************
Definition of a Toe
Toe: A part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.
******************************************************************
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal.
The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
****************************************************************
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
*****************************************************************
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!
******************************************************************
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
******************************************************************
A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
******************************************************************
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
******************************************************************
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now
******************************************************************
Mary: "Where were you born?"
Bridget : "The United States."
Mary: "Which part?"
Bridget: "My whole body
******************************************************************
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
******************************************************************
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
******************************************************************
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
******************************************************************
Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."
******************************************************************
Q: What did the cross-eyed teacher say?
A: I can't control my pupils!
******************************************************************
Bob goes to see his friend Pete. He finds Pete in his barn dancing naked around his John Deere tractor. "What are you doing!" asks Bob. Pete stops dancing & says, "My wife has been ignoring me lately so I talked to my psychiatrist and he said I needed to do some thing sexy to a tractor." [to attract her]
******************************************************************
Q: What did one ocean say to another ocean?
A: Nothing. It just waved.
Two blind guys are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them ?
You shout, “ I’m betting on the one with the knife !”
A smoothie. The miracle of selling somebody a peach and a banana for €5.
Why do the French like to eat snails so much ? They can’t stand fast food.
******************************************************************
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
******************************************************************
Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said its H to O!"
******************************************************************
Sites linking to this page have chosen to adopt this Privacy Policy as their own. This means: they agree to abide by the principles laid out below.
In common with other websites, log files are stored on the web server saving details such as the visitor's IP address, browser type, referring page and time of visit.
Cookies may be used to remember visitor preferences when interacting with the website. Where registration is required, the visitor's email and a username will be stored on the server.
The information is used to enhance the visitor's experience when using the website to display personalised content and possibly advertising.
Email addresses will not be sold, rented or leased to 3rd parties. Email may be sent to inform you of news of our services or offers by us or our affiliates.
If you have subscribed to one of our services, you may unsubscribe by following the instructions which were included in the email that you received.
You can block cookies via your browser settings but this may prevent you from accessing certain features of the website.
Cookies are small digital signature files that are stored by your web browser that allow your preferences to be recorded when visiting the website. Cookies are used by most websites to record visitor preferences. Also they may be used to track your return visits to the website.
Like all sites, we use 3rd party tools to help us run the website. They are used not to track you but to track info like the visitors numbers on the site over a given period, to allow you to interact with the social-media widget and to allow us to login into this web based CMS (Content Management System).