As in many homes during the Christmas, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, ordinner. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her there was 20 mins left.
"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing.
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Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible.
When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.
I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, "It's something like your sister's room, but without a computer."
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The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
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What did Cinderella say when the chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come. (Prince)
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What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
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What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
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Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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Someone has stated that the three phrases that best sum up the Christmas season are:
Peace on Earth,
Goodwill to Men
And Batteries not included.
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THE TOP SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN
Santa ‘remembers’ it’s Christmas. ‘Nuf said.
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Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking;
if you have to ask, maybe that’s the problem!
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Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
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A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
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Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
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Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It’s water retention.
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Constantly whining about equality until it’s time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
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Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
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No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
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Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
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The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'
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What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !
What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
I'm going out tonight
How long does it take to burn a candle down ?
About a wick !
Why is Prancer always wet?
Because he’s a rain?-deer!
Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !
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